im just saying

sometimes, even if you want to take an easy step in your life, it takes courage too. the bigger step that you made, the bigger mistake that you might have.

blessing.. the thing with "you just have to finish your master. get a good job. only then they will hear what you wanna say. who you wanna be with. and you can make your own decision."

but still.. it didnt work out that way. when they've made up their mind, no one can change it. and i know. they've got power. who are you to tell them to listen to you? to know how you feel. to understand everything about you?

so, its not about you and him anymore. it never was. in fact, its always about them.

and sometimes, even if you know its a mistake, you still want to do it anyway. its in human nature. if its for me, i tend to follow my own instinct. whether its right or not. it goes this way. even if you know its a mistake. there are certain things in life where you know its a mistake but you dont really know its a mistake. because the only way to really know its a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back and say "yep. that was a mistake."

so, the bigger mistake would be not to make the mistake, because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not.

i feel like its really unfair. i have no right to decide for my own happiness. i cant fight for my future.

in the end... even if i try really hard, i would still lost anyway. because.. i cannot fight alone. no one will be there for me. no one.

im just saying. i dont blame you tho. i never was. its nobody's fault. its a mistake that i would rather do it. because i still have a little faith in me.

there was a time when i still havent finish my master, people asked "do you have a boyfriend?" without further adieu, i would answered "no. im still single. tolong carikan someone untuk saya plishhhhh.." but then, when ive got a job. so manyyyyy ppl asked "are you single?" some of them terus tengok jari to see whether theres a ring attach to it or not. i was so speechless. and after a few secs, i replied "theres a guy.. but.. i dont even know samada kami betul-betul ada jodoh ke tak. banyak sangat dugaan yang datang."

i dont know why i answered like that.

...
...

"hey sis.. thanx for your concern. im just a girl. and my heart is so fragile."

i really mean it when i said i can see your bad sides. but i can still tolerate and understand it. because i know you beyond that. that explains a lot why theres always a part of me that still cannot let you go no matter how hard i tried. because i never wanted to...

tomorrow.. 14th May 2012. its been a year i knew you. watching fast 5 at the curve. me and my noob thingy. tak pernah makan meatball. maka agak jakun ketika itu. and 3 days later, we went to bukit tinggi. i miss those moments so much.

but its just a mistake that i would never regret did it in the first place. it seems like a mistake will always be a mistake no matter how beautiful or painful that mistake was.

happy anniversary.