the hiatus

dear diary..

its sunday! i just finished doing the corrections. i hope it will be the last correction that i need to do. mintak-mintak boleh terus jilid after this. im so tired facing all of the chapters all over again.-.-"

okay. i guess it works. actually i dont wanna remove him completely from my life. but what can i do? if we're not meant to be together, i still have to forget him. need to erase all those unnecessary feelings. i know.. humans memory is no more like a sieve. its only a matter of time before i can really erase him from my heart.

i dont wanna go back to facebook. i guess being alone like this can makes me feel really calm. thinking about my life. my future. what should i do after this. will i gain the happiness that i was looking for. whether there will be appear a worth guy that can take my hand before i really fall deep down without anyone noticed.

but.. one thing that i know...

you should love yourself more before you love somebody else, fie.

i need that hiatus status.

so ppl.. stop looking for me.
leave me alone.

thanx.

i cant fight for someone who isnt even there

we pushed people away because we scared of loss.

scared of getting hurt.

rise and shine, sleepy head

it was already 2 weeks since i got my thesis to do the corrections. but then i havent take a look at the thesis at all. i just hate doing corrections. i mean who doesnt? after all your hard works and efforts that you put. and then, you saw so many pen merah dalam tu. hadoiii. lomah den.

so.. today.. i just received a 'little light from above' to do the corrections. it was not so hard. kau je yang malas gla efie. so tomorrow morning, i will print the new one and send it to azahari. i guess, i dont have any heart to go to Bangi anymore. dont have anyone to meet there besides Adi of course. but who cares. if he wants to meet me, hes the one who should come to Melaka okay. oh lama tak jumpa azuwa dan aca juga.T.T miss you so much guys. tak boleh cakap depan2. nanti aku kalah dengan adi.+__+ hewhewhew. it was really funny when he told qaliz that he missed me+qaliz. silap kau la sebab terlepas cakap kan. 2 minggu kitorang bahan dia kot. mesti dia nyesal seploh tahun sebab mengaku.XDD oh guys! i miss gossiping+ngumpat'ing ppl with you all.T.T huhu..

earth hour is going on right now. but me? is busying stay in front of my laptop and talking rubbish in this blog. and you called yourself environmentalist and conservationist? oh. btw. i will have an interview next week. the company is in Alor Gajah inside veterinary department. wish me luck guys.

but...

Melaka?

...

if dah rezeki saya kat sini, nak buat camane. Alhamdulillah.:)

Illusion never changed

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that man I adored
You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for
But I dont know him anymore
Theres nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I dont care, I have no luck, I dont miss it all that much
Theres just so many things that I cant touch, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn. torn.

Theres nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and Im ashamed bound and broken on the floor
Youre a little late, Im already torn...

...

...

it hurts. i never knew all my hope will lost just like that...

im really suck at letting go that balloons.-.-"

unwanted

can i remove you from my fb?

why? i really dont think its necessary.

dont you get it? i cant be friends with someone that i loved. i need to move on.

When two People
In Love Break up

They can't Be Friends
As they have Hurt Each other

They can't Be Enemies
As Once they Loved Each other

The Only Thing They can Be
Are the Most Familiar Strangers..

next obsession

hihi~ apabila bercakap tentang manusia indah, maka wajiblah hormon dopamin dan serotonin ku terus meningkat dengan sangat laju. oh. i just watched prison break. i know. tu cerita zaman batu dulu. but i dont know why, dulu kat U aku cam malas nak folo. ekstrim dan sangat complicated mungkin. setelah dipaksa tengok oleh encik adi, maka aku pon layan la. ni untuk elak dari kata-kata yang tak manis keluar dari mulut beliau. "duh.. you are so lame. sume orang layan prison break kot." okay. diamla adi.

oh. bila da sampai season 2, baru la eager untuk kenal scofield dengan lebih mendalam berputik. oh. for the record, im still in luv with damon salvatore. nobody can beat him.^^ i just wondering camana la rupa scofield bila ada rambut. curious gla kotttt. *mungkin perasaan ni sama dengan perasaan lelaki yang nak tahu camane rambut sorang perempuan yang pakai tudung. i know this. because dulu ajieq selalu curious nak tengok rambut i.-.-" aihhh~ lagi orang tu beriya, lagi la sy tutup. best seksa lelaki kan?:-*

okay. back to encik scofield. and after tanya encik gugel, there are many pictures yang tunjuk muka super kiut wentworth miller tu. but then to my surprised..

oh scofield, anda sangatttttt seswai tade rambut.:) trust me.

okay. put aside gambar ni. this is the only picture yang aku rasa beliau boleh dimaafkan bila ada rambut.^^

haha. i mean, i never thought theres a guy yang lagi kiut bila tade rambut compare bila dia ada rambut. mungkin sebab rambut scofield umpama rambut Dan dalam cite gossip girl which i dont like it.:b ohh. banyak cakap la kau fie. nanti dapat husband rambut curly camtu baru taw. 0__O God, forgive me plis..

okay. mari lihat gambar nosebleed ini..

sumpah sumpah tak tipu mamat ni sangat comel okay. cara dia pandang pon dah boleh buat nosebleed kot. aihhh~ tak kesahla kau tade rambut pon.XDD and with the beanie? hes the most cutest guy ever! *eh. kedua after Damon salvatore okay. sy belum terfikir untuk curang.:-*

master chef!

since faiz cuti minggu ni, i was sooooo tak productive dan aktiviti ku hari-hari adalah pigging (vocab baru yang dicipta oleh sy dan osmet kat bangi sebab kami sangat suke tido dan makan seperti *teettt).XDD ditambah pula dengan message dari gf: fie, hari-hari keje aku makan tido je. membabi je. kalau gemuk, habisla aku.

hee~  sebab ada kawan, so tade la rasa bersalah sangat kan. maka level mood memasak juga menurun secara mendadak, so semalam faiz yang rajen (tiba2) buat sambal goreng ikan bilis. okay. sebab beliau rajen secara tiba-tiba, so aku just terima jela keadaan tu dengan setulus hati dan selapang dada? *kurang kerjaku di rumah.:D and guess what?

the sambal wasss sooo hangit. hihi. cant blame him tho. maybe sebab dia bukak api kuat sangat. afiq dengan ayah sebagai juri tetap dalam cerita ni, so mereka bagi komen kalah chef wan kot. but me? as a good-nice-gojes sista, i didnt comment much. takot nanti dia give up nak masak selama doploh tahun plak. aku dah macam seorang husband yang memahami ada isteri tak reti masak even masakan tu masin, i wud still cakap sedap gla sebab nak jaga hati.0__o so, semalam, aku jela habiskan sambal yang hangit tu. im the best right? ya i know.^^

so, today i suggest to him what about having a cooking showdown? buat the best sambal goreng in the world. he agreed. oooohh. beriya adek aku sorang tu pi cek internet resepi sambal segala.+__+ but dont worry. ive my own secret recipe. heckk. tak payah nak resepi rahsia sangat la fie, padahal kau maen campur je sume bahan yang kau nampak kat dapur tu kan? sos tiram, megi cukup rasa la. nampak daun limau purut, tu pon aku campak dalam kuali jugak.-.-" i cant even imagine apa rasa sambal tu. hee~ sapa berani try makan?

our judges was ayah. afiq sebagai juri. (pendapat afiq mungkin akan biased sebab dia sebok nak amek hati abang dia.-.-") otomatik saya ilang satu undi. oh demm.

okay. tunggu mereka balek semayang jumaat.

then i will announce the winner in this competition.

adios amigos.^.^

tomorrow

so.. its over.
finally..
i took that one big step in my life..
and im glad i made it.

 



but..
the balloons are still there..
why?

just painful, pointless and overrated

dear diary,

now i know the reason why i like damon so much. oh God. i know hes only fiction. a character in a freaky-english-vampire-tv series, but the things is, i know how he felt. loving someone he cant never have. which means no matter how hard he tried, that girl will never be his.

i just know how he feels. because we're in the same boat.

thats all.

and this guy? does all vampires have that charm? err. i mean freaking-bitchy-annoying-but-still-HOT-at-the-same-time kind of charm?:/ duh... +__+ he drives me crazy. *kalah tahap qaliz glakan chuck bass kottt.

okay. enuf fie. wake up!

wordless wednesday

Perihal rambut

since the last time i got treatment for my hair, i tend to love it so much. it doesnt look so flat. ada volume. dan the most important thing, nampak tebal. hee~ when my housemate (err. pembetulan. ex housemate) saw my hair, she said you look different. your hair dah makin tebal. and i was soooo happy when she said that. haha. boley?

eh. not only that. i love the colour too! actually sy memang teringin dye rambut.-.-" since zaman matrik lagi. hajatku selalu tak kesampaian. and aritu, aku da amek da kot colour rambut yang aku suka tu. but then tiba-tiba qaliz cakap "ko sirius ke nak dye ni? nanti rambut rosak. mesti ko nyesal nanti. aku laenla. rambut aku memang dah dye. da rosak da." and i was likeeeee "why u hv to say sumthing like that right now?" otomatik tak jadi beli. aihh.-.-" tukang saiko yang berjaya.

since i was small, many ppl kept asking kenapa rambut anda tak hitam macam adik beradik lain? jawapan paleng best time tu mestila "emm. because i was adopted." so shut up. *okay. part shut up tu aku reka jew.

then bila masuk ostel, still ramai orang (akak dorm esp.) tanya camana rambut leh jadi coklat? at that time, i was still not able to answer their question. because i dont know why. maybe pigmen hitam kat rambut sy kurang? its science. you should ask our science teacher. not me.

the last time, when Mone tanya "akak dye rambut ka?"

...

...

"takla. memang camni kaler dia. tapi akak memang teringin nak dye."+__+

emm..

actually..

you should be thankful of you have.

there you said Alhamdulillah.. every beautiful things that you have are ALWAYS come from Allah.

so, takya nak bragging sangat la. dan tak payah nak dye sangat lewwww. hewhew..

He will never leave you alone

Dear diary or should I say, dear bloggie? ah. whatever.

after reading surah yasin and listening to bacaan al-Quran, now i feel so much better. peaceful. calm. and relax. Alhamdulillah. i know He will never fails to make me feel this way.

i will go to Bangi tomorrow. to meet my dear supervisor Dr. Talib *hehe. just got a text from him saying he will be free for the whole day tomorrow. ah sudah. mesti kena tanya macam-macam esok.:/ i know. i always made him worried about me. Dr., you are a very wonderful+nice+awesome person.:) thanks a lot.^^

hanis and her husband will come to melaka tonight. im sooooo excited right now! rindu ampa taw dak! and yan just arrived to my house. satgi kami jadi tourist guide to the newly wed tu. heee~


ME? as a tourist guide?

siriusly nis?


uve gotta be kidding right?:/

so much for my happy ending

is there any syndrome called "post menstrual syndrome?" the thesis corrections were so hard. it was beyond my expectation which is i tot i can finish it in one night. when i wake up this morning, the weather was so cold. lagi la sy tarik selimut sambil tak peduli yan msg tanya koi bapa nak pi Bangi. i dont have any mood to drive all the way to Bangi. it feels so far. and after got a text from qaliz saying shes already bought tix to go back to Sarawak tomorrow night. im not sure if i can meet her tomorrow or not.

i guess i know why i feel everything were so hard. i always listened to surah al-Waqiah everytime i did my works. no matter how hard the work is, i always able to finish it without any major obstacle. but lately i kept listening to these songs "always be my baby - david cook, i miss you - incubus, thinking of you - katy perry." eh? suma lagu sedih?

aihh.. the road that i took seems so serabut right now. penuh lalang, semak samun dan ada ular melingkar yang sedang kelaparan.:/

"i act tough. but im not inside. dont abandon me."

let it stay mystery

im hiding everything from you.
but.. we dont have any issue pon.

tapiii. why did i do that?

i dont know.
just because..
i dont want you to know about me.
if you dont know anything about me,
i can stop stalking you.
or looking for you.
or texting you.
or missing you.
or liking you. (i hope so)

so, we're even.

you were to busy with your works and friends.
you wont realized it.
trust me.

at least for now.

thats all.

theres a winter in my room

after two days freezing at Hanis' room.

it turned out, now.. i feel nothing with 14 degrees aircond in my own room.

hee..

winter!

sy tak suka sejuk sebenarnya.-.-"

  hihi. lawak.

when typical mars vs typical venus.:P

dear guys, plis dont be so clueless.

im cold. can you hug me? duh.-.-"
sounds weird.

can i cry on your shoulder?

right now. its 8.37pm. 8th march 2012

dear diary,

im doing correction for my thesis. frankly speaking, its not that im really in a 'rajen' mood to do that. its just to avoid qaliz dari marah aku sebab tak buat pembetulan lagi. aihhh.. qaliz, you know me very well.-.-" since i already made this blog private. so i can tell you everything. without worrying about other ppl if they will read this or not.

you know.. i always wonder if im really going to the right path. made a right decision in my life. thats life. i know. we always have to make a choice whether we dont know whats the consequences of our own decision. we choose it. we face it. we have to be responsible with it no matter what it takes.

the thing with a guy. or 'jodoh' as i may call it. emm. i know. he was already advised me, "you should focus on searching a job. not having a-head-ache about any guy whom you barely knew. you shouldnt thinking too much about what will happen to us. just let it be."

oh wait. define 'barely knew'? you knew him since you were small. but its not like you know everything about him. his past? his life? his bad habit? his favourite colour (perlu ke tahu ni?) okay. i know nothing. i dont know him. he doesnt know me either. thats it.

loving someone whom you are not even sure whether you will end up with him or not. being with him, you cant even see your future. its getting so blur. one thing you know, every time you were being with him, you were so happy. as if theres no one in this world can make you feel that way. but sometimes, loving someone who dont love you the way you did, it hurts too. your mind always told you the same thing. let it go. you can find someone better. you can find a guy yang takde related darah langsung with you. there goes the word "move on".

he wont looking for you unless you were the one who text him first.

he wont asked a date with you.

he wont be saying he miss you. never.

he didnt have any effort to get closer with you.

you are not even in his radar.
in fact he doesnt bother about you and your life at all.

qaliz...

why am i crying over this?

why am i being like this?

i miss the old times.

when i can go to you and cry every time my heart is hurt.
if i cant be happy with a guy, at least i still have my friends.

i need you....

if i follow his advice which is i should let it be. because we both dont know what the future may bring to us. and we should just follow the flow. but.. does he know where the flow will lead us to? in the end where he thinks we will end up?

will he gives me the answer?

 ...

May happiness will always be with you darling.

To my dear friend

Hanis Syahirah..

be a good servant to Allah

a good wife

a good mother

i love you!

oooh. we are soooo cute! arent we? haha.^^

oooohh. i miss alor star so bad. T.T

p/s: oh. btw, the quality of the pictures are sucks. all of them were taken using hp. sebab camera sy abeh bateri. charger camera tertinggai kat melaka plak dah.-.-" bijak sangat noo. tunggu gambaq2 kami yang gojes from the hired fotografer je la okay.XDD

the wish

you know..

sometimes when a girl asked you something, its not because she really wanted to know the answer. its just.. maybe she was only wanted to see your reaction. how you react with her wishes or her questions. besides, whats the use asking something that she already knew the answer?

girls are complicated tho. guys are too.

the girl whos afraid of everything

i hate being alone.
doesnt matter where it is.
be it at other places or my own house.
i just dont like the scared feeling.
the insecure.
at time like this,
i really wish i had a boyfriend.
so that i can call him and talk with him through the night.
until i fall asleep. (amboi. mengada habis)

...

sy sangat ngantok.T.T
thank God i still have my dear cuzzie who keep texting me asking whether im okay or not.
sorry. i cant folo you watching M.U game. (aku tak minat MU kott-.-")
and... im soo sleepy right now.

its already 12am. mati la sy kalau jiran nampak sy kuar ikot lelaki malam-malam.:p heww.
apo la si Dan ni.

Blues

The Winter's gone and the spring has come

We've withered away

And our hearts are torn from the yesterdays

Im singing my blues

I'm used to the tears, the doubt and the fears that hold me oh

Im singing my blues

I hope you can see

Im loosing my grip on you oh oh

We're looking up into the same old sky except that you and I

Are further from the place we used to love

I am leaving you with just a word

Yea It's selfish girl

But I have never been that good with words

Oh this could be the end of our dream

No one can help me

Maybe this is our final scene

Watch the curtain closing drop down low

too bad now Ive got nothing to show

The moment I met you this I know

I'd always let my loving show

But I have lost my way into the blue

And when I close my eyes I pray we'll see it through

I wish that I could feel my cold heart

But we're so far apart, just like the ocean that's between our love

Your type of love is like a trauma

When all is said and done

Ill dry my tears and think of what we were

My apathy is all Ive got for now

Nothing gonna hold me down

I cant take your complicated run around

And I don't care if you aint there for me now

Cause I got a new sound

People come and go like downtown

And when the night has come and were underneath the stars

Thinking what went wrong

Falling asleep alone, but you always know

that even in my dreams I sing this song....