H.O.P.E.

15 August 2014

4.00pm

The Thought

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
And I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be gray
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad
It's not so bad

Its been raining since this morning.
The day of Dan's wedding is approaching.
Theres still one thing that makes me feel uneasy and worry.
Put aside i-still-dont-know what should i wear on that day.
?? is that really a problem?:P

...

I really hope that He wont come.
Since ive just recover from my nightmare.
Sigh~~~
oh. anyway, i can recite the yasin that they gave me on the wedding.
thats the biggest accomplishment that i can brag on.
at least for now.

coz. mira told me,

its ok. when you have let go everything,
then ikhlas will come later.
it takes time.
it really is.

sincere? thats not us to decide.
itu kerja Tuhan kan.

but...
i really feel like i dont wanna see him anymore.
as for me, if we dont meet each other forever is better.

yes.
thats the cruelest thought that i have at this moment.
no.
its not that i dont want to see him with his happy life.

When two People
In Love Break up 

They can't Be Friends 
As they have Hurt Each other 

They can't Be Enemies 
As Once they Loved Each other 

The Only Thing They can Be
Are the Most Familiar Strangers..


its just.
i m pity with my heart.
easy to break.
easy to be flattered.
so fragile like a glass.
sometimes it was so strong.
but sometimes it hurts so bad.

and as for now...

its good to let it be.
to recover by itself.
dont have to disturb.
dont have to ask why.

because..

when you asked about the heart.
you will never get the answer.

First Love

The thing about fall in love is, you cant control your heart. its not you didnt try to persuade it, its like.. hey! you dont have to hurt so bad. hes not worth it. but still.. in the end, the heart (your heart) wouldnt even listen to everything that you say. or anything!

hey fie.. are you okay?

yeah. im fine.

that kind of question took me awhile to realize i have so many people that still worry about me. dont want me to fall so hard on the ground. and thanks ikhwan. i never knew that you would still take care of me after..

well you know. hehe. eh. by the way, i still save unintended song that youve played for me. okay2. after you got married, i will delete it. i promise!:) kikiki. its just. i was sooo in luv with that song.0__o

all time favourite kott.

and suddenly, during my i-dont-know-what-kind-of-phase that i go through, my friends at office kept on playing 'fix me' by coldplay. n i was like... "lagu-lagu di radio seolah-olah memerli aku."

ok. thing about guy friends are...

sometimes, they were sooo childish.

childish is one thing. yang clueless tu lagi teruk.:b

fie.. dah lama aku tak dengar cite ko. dengar ko berceloteh lama-lama pasal life.

eh.. takmo la cite. ko da kawen kot.

ala. dulu boleh?

memang la dulu boleh. kau beriya sangat nak dengar cite aku ni dah kenapa? haha.

lawak kot.+__+ aiyooo. pening pale aku kot. hes one of easy going buddy in here.

thing about me, im d one who sometimes can be so close to guys. but.. im still very choosy la.

tahap hoiii. aku tengah senggugut teruk la. kau tak payah nak ajak lepak sangat boleh tak?

hah. sedap sound orang.

talking about guys. oh cakur! i miss him lotssss!

amboii fie. jangan nak rindu laki orang sangat la.:P ada la dalam 5 tahun tak jumpa. gla kau tak rindu. hes d closest buddy in umt that i have. tahap cite depan dia siap nanges2 kot. dia plak memang jenis layankan jela si ifi ni. hahaha. but dulu, he had so many girlfriends. and aku ingat satu ayat dia ni,

"banyak-banyak kawan pompuan aku, kau sorang je tak pernah sangkut kat aku tak kira macam mana aku ayat kau."

and i was like, kau penah ngayat aku ke cakur? *muka blur

dah lepas tu, dia dengan perangai suweet talker dia tu pi ngayat osmet2 aku sampai aku hangin gla kott. "can you stick to the one? penat kottt aku tengok osmet aku sume cakap ko suka diorg?"

and after that, dia behave sket la. actually, i dont really mad at him.

i know, perempuan kan hati lembut. im a gurl. i know that very well.

so i cant stand watching my friends getting hurts. nak2 orang yang mainkan tu member kau sendiri kot. memang nak makan penampau la tu.

to all my buddies...

from my childhood (read: UMT) untill i grew up (read: 27years old),

i am sooo lucky to meet all of you in my life.

listened to all my patheticraptastic life stories all over again.

gv advise to me coz i always cannot think straight.

you are the best!

this entry also dedicated to you adi.^^

i love you guys.

*the phase is so different. some of them are already be a dad (or on d way to be one)

the wave and frequency are not there anymore. dont you think so? or is it just me?

+__+

This Brings Tears To My Eyes. My Sacrifice.

I was facebook-ing.

When I came across this post.

It was so sad and almost made me cried. Tapi bergenang je la tapi.:P Dah sape suh grandpa tu nanges sampai merah-merah mata.+__+ sedih gla kot.

Since I know I cant really contribute my energy macam Heliza yang banyak kali pi hantar bantuan kat sana. Tak kesah la kat Palestine ke, Syria ke. Paling-paling yang kita dapat buat pon bagi derma tru ‘Aqsa Syariff – Ni khas untuk Palestin je tau’. And then sedekahkan doa untuk umat Islam kat sana. Mintak Allah kuatkan semangat, hilangkan penderitaan, musnahkan tentera-tentera zionist laknatullah tu. Apart from that, theres nothing much that we could do.

As for me, Ive made a few sacrifices to help them. Bukan pengorbanan sangat la since aku dengan agak paksa-rela diri sendiri untuk buat kan. Oh. The title? Yes. I exaggerate a bit. Haha. Abaikan.

Firstly! Facial foam. Aku memang peminat tegar, eh bukan Tegar-Aku-Yang-Dulu-Bukanlah-Yang-Sekarang tu. 0__o I was a veryyy loyal customer of Garnier. Facial foam yang berasaskan limau. Aku kan orang environment. Haruslah pakai product pon yang berkaitan dengan bunga, pokok dan buah dan yang sewaktu dengannya. Tapi talking about lemon, aku memang suke pakai limau pon. Kalau pi Giant memang keje aku borong limau nipis je. Pakai masa mandi. Kalau letak kat rambut, homaigodddd konfem aku tido nyenyak malam tu sebab rambut wangi sangat. Cheq sukaaaaa!!! (Intonasi Aminah anak Lepat) :’) That was one of Israel’s product that I banned la. Pastu sekarang aku nampak je iklan Garnier yang ada bunga sakura tu, setan kat kepala da cucuk-cucuk suh beli. Comeiii kottt botol dia. Kaler pink. Annoying gla okay.

And lucky for me, tak lama pastu I changed my facial foam to this.

Thank God! You are my savior!^^ *Tapi pahtu Kak Marina dok pegang-pegang muka aku cakap “asal cantik sangat kulit awak?” aku plak yang blur. Akak perli sy ke apa?-.-”

Next!!!~

Ni pon agak payah la nak boycott. Since Ive used them ages ago. Best kot. Dahla lembut. Yela. Dahla susah nak jumpa mende yang boleh buat kau terpikat, astu takkan la senang-senang je nak suh suka kat mende lain. EH? 0__o Okay. Tapi right now, I use Dove. So far okay laaaa. Coz before guna loreal, I used Herbal Essence. Tapi syampu tu buat rambut kering. Mesti syampu tu pon sedey sambil nyanyi lagu Simple Plan “im sorry.. i cant be perfect..”

Okay. Thirdly!

Ni yang paleng menguji keimanan aku yang rapuh dan nipis macam kulit bawang ni. I used to be the one who really love it!!! Dah tagline pon Im Loving It.:P

Kalau zaman blaja dulu, aku memang tak pandang kepsi langsung la. Macam helloooo.. kau tak sama level langsung dengan mcD okay. Kira bagi aku, mcd memang terbaek la time tu. Tapi pastu bila dah stat boikot, nak taknak tepaksa pi kepsi bila nak lepaskan gian. Pathetic gla ok. Memula dulu memang susah la. Tapi once you know how to handle yourself, you get used to it naturally. As time when by, kau seap boleh lepak dengan member kat sana without makan mcd. Hebat bukan. Butttt. Im not an angel. Im just a human with so many flaws. Bulan puasa last year, kami ma’zurah beramai-ramai. Bila dah sume takleh pose, maka kami pon wajib la carik makanan. Kitorg makan dalam kete je time tu sebab satgi kena masuk van jenazah plak tak pepasal. All my friends sume nak makan mcd. Nak taknak tepaksa join la. Its like, orang cakap kalau darurat takpekan?-.-”

Maka, dengan rasa tak berapa nak bersalah tu, I ate them. Chicken mcDelux (my feveret burger dulu), fries n air. I finished them all. And homaiigoddd.. Aku dah macam pegang watak dalam cite Vampire Diaries tu. Macam bila Stefan yang konon-konon vampire veggie yang hisap darah haiwan je and tak hisap darah manusia. And suddenly bila dia tak tahan nafsu and hisap darah manusia, dia teros takleh control. Hah. Macam tu la yang aku rasa. HAHAHAHAHAHAA. Dasat gla kottt. Sebab tu aku paham perasaan Damon. Tetiba.

But sometimes… it makes me feel like, susahnyaaaa nak istiqamah. That was the last time aku makan mekdi. And sometimes bila datang demam or badan tak sihat, mula la nak mengidam bubur mekdi. Cam padddiaaaa ifi. Boleh tak jangan nak mengada sangat! Its your own choice. Just bear with it. Tapi sekarang aku layan Burger King ngan Wendys jelaaaaa.^^ Seploh kali lagi sedap okayyy.

Takpela kita korban sikit. Sebab..,

Mereka tersiksa berjuta-juta kali lebih teruk dari apa yang kita rasa.

O Allah! Bring into harmony the hearts of Muslims, unite their forces, make righteous their leaders, and unite their word on the truth

O Allah! Grant victory to your religion (Islam), your Book (The Qur'ān), and the Sunnah of your Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him); and give victory to your servant believers and the truthful Mujahideen (those who fight in the path of Allah).

O Allah! Make us safe and secure in our countries, make righteous our imams and leaders, support with the truth our imam and leader, and make available for him a righteous retinue, guide him to do what you love and accept,

O Allah! Protect our Muslim brothers in Syria, Burma, Palestine, and everywhere O Lord of the world, heaven and earth, O Allah! Be on their side; mend their defeat, have mercy on their weakness, feed their hungry people, clothe those without clothes amongst them, and be on their side with Your generosity, O Lord of the world, heaven and earth; provide them with your support, O Allah! Provide them with your support, O Allah! Provide them with your support, and grant them your victory.

O Allah! Restore to the best the conditions of our Muslim brothers everywhere, O Allah! Grant them victory in Palestine over the aggressive Zionists, O Allah! Save Al-Aqsa mosque from the claws of the aggressive Jewish Zionists!

O Allah! Be with our Muslim brothers in Syria, O Allah! Be with our Muslim brothers in Syria, O Allah! Stop their bloodshed, O Allah! Stop their bloodshed, O Allah! Stop their bloodshed, 

O Allah! The night of their being oppressed has become long, so please drive away this oppression from them and bring near the dawn of victory to Islam and Muslims, O Lord of Alamin,(mankind, jinn and all that exists).

O Allah! Improve the conditions of our Muslim brothers in all countries. O Allah!
Improve their conditions in Syria. O Allah! Gather them around Your Truth and
Guidance. 

O Allah! Spare their blood, reassure them, feed the hungry people among
them, preserve their dignity and honour, strengthen their hearts, and grant them power and victory over their oppressors! O Allah! Lift the siege around them! O Allah!
Bring an end to their suffering! O Allah! Bring an end to their suffering!

Back to the Future

I cut myself during cutting lemons just now.:’( NampakSangatJarangMasukDapur. Kekeke. There will be no water at our house starting this month. And yesterday, we took a bath at Masjid kat area subang. The masjid facilities were soo great! Stay lama-lama pon takpe.:) We angkot few drums.

Semalam kitorang pi angkot air kat masjid. 3 tong kottt masuk dalam kete.

Yeke kak? Tak basah ke kete?

Tak. Sebab akak kan hebat.^^

0____o err.. ok kak.

Tapiiii pastu, tangan, pinggang sume cam nak patah la sebab mengangkot sume tu. Aihh.. cud it be worst?+___+

Okay. Back to our main topic. Where were we? Okay. Atas katil.

I’m the one who can be really unpredictable. Trust me. It goes like this.

Sy nak masuk BodyShop jap.

Okay. Awak nak cari apa?

I don’t know. Kalau ada mende menarik, I’ll decide later. *grinning

It turned out from “I have nothing to buy” to “I hv a plastic bag with BodyShop label on it.”

You don’t have to teach me about desire and something that we need. I know that already. Hellooo.. We are from Venus hokay. We bought things we don’t need. Yes. Sometimes I bought something that I don’t know when I will use it. Pahtu tak menyesal langsung plak tuuu. Haha.

Okay. Last week I bought this!

It was so cute!!!~ I cant control myself. Dah haku memang suka mende yang berorientasikan cermin-cermin bagai nih. Rasa cam kat ikea. Kau mampu? But… that was not really my fault. Kak misya yang jadi devil-human-version that came to convince and persuade me to buy it. lol.

I know. I know. I don’t have any house right now. But one day, I will have my dream house right?

Maybe in 3 years or 4 years? If ada rezeki lebih, next year pon boleh kot. In shaa Allah.

Who knows? We only plan. And Allah had a better plan for us.

credit photo: Denabahrin

Soooo.. just keep moving!:)

Tak sabaqqqqq nak tampal kat dinding. Homaigoddddd.

Comeiii kan. Ada tinkerbell. Kalau ada peterpan lagi best.

Aku suka!





In a few months or maybe years, i might be reading this entry and wondered where i put all those mirrors.
try carik bawah katil ok ifi!:P

Lagu buat kekasih

Kini fajar mula menyinsing

Mentari tiba menampakkan seri

Burung nan terbang kebebasan

Menggamit hati kecilku ini

Hati ini terasa sayu

Terkenang diri jauh di rantauan

Jauh dari teman-teman

Mengajarku erti kerinduan

Hati ini terasa sayu

Terkenang teman jauh di mataku

Ku rindukan tawa dan senyumanmu

Bilakah kita kan dapat bertemu

Walaupun jauh beribu batu

Ku harapkan kau takkan lupa padaku

Padamu Allah ku panjatkan doa agar berkekalan kasih sayang kita

Padamu teman kutinggalkan pesan quran dan sunnah

Jadikan pegangan

Agar dirimu kan diberkati

Teman kau lah permata hati…

…

Lagu yang kitorang slalu nyanyi dalam surau masa form 1 dulu.

Aku sangat suka lagu ni.

It made me miss my childhood times so bad..T.T

Kadang-kadang, bila Allah bagi dugaan, Dia akan hadirkan mereka yang setia untuk datang beri kekuatan pada kita. Sebab Allah tahu, kadang-kadang kita lupa. Kita lupa yang Allah masih sayangkan kita. Dia pasti akan ingatkan kita yang masih ramai lagi yang sayang kita juga.

Emm..

That conversation took place a looonggg time ago. Few years back I guess. Before mira kahwin lagi. Hee.. I accidentally found the letter in my lappy last night while godeh2 laptop ni.:P She never failed to lift me up whenever I feel down. Since we were 1^st year at Terengganu. Shes my bestfriend. Its been 8 years! I love you dear. so much!:) But anyway… Dear! Aku tersangat happy dan bersyukur masa ko jumpa abg razi and kahwin dengan dia. Hellooo.. mamat tu yang freshies sume glakan masa minggu orentasi kot. Haha. (except me opkos sebab aku sorang je suke kimon.:P tapi pastu ko cakap taste aku sume laki jambu macam korea. paddiaaaaa.)

Of course i still remember..
Aku ingat lagi...
All those memories.

Girlfriends..

I am truly blessed to have you in my life. I love you. I was sooo thankful because you still love me until now.:’) Someone who would be there in times of need and giving support throughout times of difficulties when others would just run away. A true friend who’s not only there during my happy moments but also there cheering me up during my trying times. I wish we could be best friend til forever. You never let me down. Not even once. Im blessed for the gift of our friendship. May Allah change us to be better in all our relationships with those close to us and all around us. May all your prayers come true. Ameen. Love you so much.

ni lagi sorang gurlpren.

always know what to say to cheer me up.

nah! :-*

tapi qaliz suke ketepikan aku kalau kucen dia beranak. 

pastu nak excited lebey2 sebab da jadi nenek.

apekah?

Unintended

I already got married. Can you at least be happy for me?

…

Yes. I’m happy for you. In fact I was so happy to watch you getting married with someone that you love. Someone that deserve you more than I am. But this sad feeling? I couldn’t help but to feel this way. I hate this feeling. I hate the fact that I was so fragile like this. I swear, just like you, I also want this feeling to disappear from my life. I tried so hard to erase all the memories, all about you. I know its hard. But I will try my best to fix all of these things. I promise you I will behave. I will learn from my mistakes and I am so sorry for everything. I will move on. I will be a better person than i was yesterday. Its okay. Everything will eventually get better.

In shaa Allah

Bantu aku Tuhan...

In yansurkumullahu fala ghaaliba lakum. If Allah helps you, theres none to overcome you.

Allah dah janji.

kita kena yakin.

bersabarlah wahai hati.