can i cry on your shoulder?

right now. its 8.37pm. 8th march 2012

dear diary,

im doing correction for my thesis. frankly speaking, its not that im really in a 'rajen' mood to do that. its just to avoid qaliz dari marah aku sebab tak buat pembetulan lagi. aihhh.. qaliz, you know me very well.-.-" since i already made this blog private. so i can tell you everything. without worrying about other ppl if they will read this or not.

you know.. i always wonder if im really going to the right path. made a right decision in my life. thats life. i know. we always have to make a choice whether we dont know whats the consequences of our own decision. we choose it. we face it. we have to be responsible with it no matter what it takes.

the thing with a guy. or 'jodoh' as i may call it. emm. i know. he was already advised me, "you should focus on searching a job. not having a-head-ache about any guy whom you barely knew. you shouldnt thinking too much about what will happen to us. just let it be."

oh wait. define 'barely knew'? you knew him since you were small. but its not like you know everything about him. his past? his life? his bad habit? his favourite colour (perlu ke tahu ni?) okay. i know nothing. i dont know him. he doesnt know me either. thats it.

loving someone whom you are not even sure whether you will end up with him or not. being with him, you cant even see your future. its getting so blur. one thing you know, every time you were being with him, you were so happy. as if theres no one in this world can make you feel that way. but sometimes, loving someone who dont love you the way you did, it hurts too. your mind always told you the same thing. let it go. you can find someone better. you can find a guy yang takde related darah langsung with you. there goes the word "move on".

he wont looking for you unless you were the one who text him first.

he wont asked a date with you.

he wont be saying he miss you. never.

he didnt have any effort to get closer with you.

you are not even in his radar.
in fact he doesnt bother about you and your life at all.

qaliz...

why am i crying over this?

why am i being like this?

i miss the old times.

when i can go to you and cry every time my heart is hurt.
if i cant be happy with a guy, at least i still have my friends.

i need you....

if i follow his advice which is i should let it be. because we both dont know what the future may bring to us. and we should just follow the flow. but.. does he know where the flow will lead us to? in the end where he thinks we will end up?

will he gives me the answer?

 ...